Six fun destinations you could abscond to if you just don’t want to deal with American politics!!
Our election has been a wild ride, causing (or maybe just uncovering) massive ideological polarization. Each side demonized the other, and said that if their opponent wins, our country will fall apart. Now, finally, the election has ended. Donald Trump has been elected President of the United States. If you’re unhappy with or terrified of the results and are trying to decide where you want to move, here are some fun, safe locations!
- You move to New Zealand. The people welcome you, as long as you have a passport and plans to have a career and contribute to the economy. You go surfing off the coast and learn about Maori culture. Soon, you begin to assimilate into the society. You begin to forget you ever lived in a place called America that elected a hateful, yelling yam for President.
- You go to outer space. Private space travel companies are looking for candidates to send to space, and if you pass the tests, you can go. The rockets blast off and you say goodbye, and the Owl City song in your head (“Alligator Sky”, if anyone wants to know) is the only good memory you carry with you of Earth. Months later, you reach Mars. When you get out of the rocket and finally set foot on Mars, you sigh with relief. You are now in a place that has never heard of or seen a presidential election. You begin to settle into your habitat module, and you grow vegetables in the sparse Martian soil. It’s peaceful.
- You go to England. Some people there are angry about the election too, and they ask you how on Earth the Americans elected such a hateful (misogynist, xenophobic, homophobic, racist, the list goes on) candidate. You decide not to stay long. At least they have tea, which everyone is drinking in copious amounts to calm down as their own country is in political turmoil.
- You don’t go to Canada. It suddenly seems too close.
- You find a cave and move underground. There are some good underground caves in Tennessee, and they even keep a nice, even temperature year round. All you need to bring is food! If you get far enough underground, not even news of Donald Trump can bother you. Set a guard at your door, and only come out when you must.
- You go to bed. This is an even more popular option than Canada, and you won’t have to deal with anybody there because they have their own beds elsewhere. This is one of the main points in affirmation of this stance. In bed, you are sheltered from the world, and you should probably refrain from bringing electronic devices like your phone. This would defeat the point of hiding from the world and the news cycle. Just stay in bed until everything is over. This may be days, it may be years. It depends. You decide when it’s time to wake up.
Whatever you do, it’s probably going to be a long four years. Stay safe, and maybe send us a postcard from New Zealand.